{"id":7,"date":"2014-02-24T19:43:13","date_gmt":"2014-02-24T19:43:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/onehundredandtwenty.com\/?p=7"},"modified":"2014-05-07T14:07:19","modified_gmt":"2014-05-07T12:07:19","slug":"cows-egrets-fences-and-trains","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onehundredandtwenty.com\/?p=7","title":{"rendered":"Cows, Egrets, Fences and Trains"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Village<\/a>
Village life…<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

In our Village we can boast several tourist attractions! Our latest hot number will take the visitor from afar on a guided tour of wildlife, invisible assets and very audible monsters!<\/span><\/p>\n

We have cows; we have always had cows! In the olden days we also had donkeys and sometimes goats, but now we are down to great herds of cattle; sometimes the vista is reminiscent of the Great Plains in about 1830 \u2013 millions of Bison covered the land and them Injuns just couldn\u2019t keep the numbers down; we have a similar problem.<\/p>\n

In a faraway time we had a cattle grid and the Village was surrounded by fences and we lived a tick-free life. The country moved upward and onwards and the fences were liberated for the greater good, and the grid likewise, if it isn\u2019t buried under the tarmac.<\/p>\n

So we have cows, and ticks, not to mention irate gardeners whose daisies are added to the bovine methane mix allegedly at the heart of global warming.<\/p>\n

We also have Egrets; we have always had Egrets; and very stinky Egret poo; forever; Egrets are the ultimate squatters; you just cannot get rid of them; and they breed like flies; and, just like squatters everywhere, they refuse to work!<\/p>\n

For every fifty cows strolling along you might get one Egret lurking about; but they must be off ticks, because these guys are all over the shop!<\/p>\n

Ticks like dogs; they will take people, but dogs come first; which is a pity because vets are twice as expensive as doctors; it\u2019s cheaper for your wife to get tick bite fever than for your hound to catch it.<\/p>\n

Our fences round the Village are long gone; good old SA Railways and Harbours \u2013 an honourable if laid back organization, has been succeeded by Transnet; SAR&H used to keep their fences up; the clowns from Transet, when finally urged into action after numerous interventions, put up puny single strand wire fences, take photos with their cell phones to prove they have actually been on site, and depart; next day, the herd boys cut the fences, and the cows move in.<\/p>\n

Then we have trains; regular passenger trains, generally very empty; and car trains, which carry vehicles to the harbour en route overseas; vital to offset the country\u2019s negative balance of payments; and sometimes nondescript trains which are probably just going for a ride.<\/p>\n

Our trains have one thing in common; their sirens wail at any opportunity; safety comes first! If they see you walking your dog down the hopefully tick-free road half a mile from the level crossing, you will receive an admonitory screech; just don\u2019t break into a run.<\/p>\n

If you have the misfortune to be approaching the crossing in your vehicle, oh my word! All the discordance of Hell shall be poured upon thine ears; conversation comes to a stop until the beast has thundered by, wailing into the sunset.<\/p>\n

Egrets are forever, as James Bond might have said if he lived here; but we can lose the cattle and thereby the ticks, if we carry out the cunning plan devised by our leader, an ancient agriculturalist.<\/p>\n

Take several drums of molasses, add some salt; at the dead of night, paint the mixture on the railway lines; prepare several bottles of Ship Sherry i.e. have a good sluk and replace with two tots (Imperial) of Vodka. Await the dawn, the ambling herd and the shambling herd boys.<\/p>\n

Deprived as they are of proper saltlicks, and entranced by the smell of molasses, the cows with shining eyes will crowd the rails, licking the lovely iron with wild abandon.<\/p>\n

Soon an orange monster will appear from the north; the driver will observe with horror platform to platform bovinity, and will hopefully apply brakes in time to prevent wholesale cownage. He will certainly cause the siren to wail and screech.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile the herd boys, faced with temptation, will long since have downed the reinforced sherry, and are face down in the long grass, giggling.<\/p>\n

A stand-off ensures; cows are just too dumb to be scared of noisy diesel engines; it will be at least an hour, possibly two, before the cows lick the rails clean and move off in search of greenery.<\/p>\n

The news will trickle up what passes for a communications network at Transnet; officials will react as usual \u2013 stick finger up nose, engage brain, apply what passes for a mind and make a note.<\/p>\n

This news will be repeated day after day; the supply chain will begin to buckle; the supply of cars to the docks will dry up; shipping companies will protest vigorously, the Minister will hear about it; eventually the penny will drop; but probably not before a few cows have been executed by train and the odd herd boy passed out of this life with the ultimate smile on his face.<\/p>\n

Eventually, Transnet will be stung into action and will put up a proper fence.<\/p>\n

One small victory for very local government against the faceless corporate monsters!<\/p>\n

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In our Village we can boast several tourist attractions! Our latest hot number will take the visitor from afar on a guided tour of wildlife, invisible assets and very audible monsters! We have cows; we have always had cows! In the olden days we also had donkeys and sometimes goats, but now we are down … Continue reading “Cows, Egrets, Fences and Trains”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":22,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[9,6,11,5,8,10,7],"class_list":["post-7","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-close-to-home","tag-cows","tag-government","tag-herdsmen","tag-local","tag-redhouse","tag-train","tag-village"],"yoast_head":"\nCows, Egrets, Fences and Trains - One Hundred and Twenty<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/onehundredandtwenty.com\/?p=7\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Cows, Egrets, Fences and Trains - One Hundred and Twenty\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In our Village we can boast several tourist attractions! 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